There appear to be two types of people in my house these days.
Those who want to keep the peace.
And those who need to be right.
Over the past few weeks I have made some observations about the state of these two groups co-existing in one space.
I have observed that keeping the peace and needing to be right (at-all-costs-no-matter-what-thank-you-very-much-and-so-on) do not exist well in one person at one time.
I have observed that people may change groups. In the morning the person who wanted to be right raised hell and risked damnation to make their point that the tree outside the window is not yellow. There are two small green leaves remaining. The tree is not yellow. Not yellow. NOT. Yellow. You cannot call it a yellow tree.
I have observed in the evening this same person, when talking about this same tree, stated it is mostly yellow, even though there are a few other colors. It should be called a yellow tree because that is what it mostly is.
How rational. How… peaceful.
I have observed that the household is quieter when the majority of the occupants are on the side of peace.
I try to stay on the side of peace. But sometimes I fail. Miserably. And I find myself yelling (yelling?!?) about a yellow tree outside the window. And it is only 8:30 in the morning. And we are trying to get out the door for school but this tree is just the most important thing. And… sigh.
I have observed that when the people who need to be right later apologize (for yelling about a yellow-ish tree) it goes a long way towards peace. If the person who had to be right can later acknowledge the others’ point of view and apologize for their long winded rant about autumn tree colors, well, that helps. It moves the needle towards peace.
So if I were my own best friend I would tell myself to keep observing and learning. Apologize when I make a mistake and stray to the less peaceful side. I would try to acknowledge the other person’s viewpoint. I would seek reparations and peace.
“Yes, the tree does have a few green leaves and a few red and orange undertones. I can see that. Thank you for telling me about your point of view. I am sorry I yelled about the tree.”
Bite tongue. Breathe deeply. Appreciate the peace. Still learning.
Loved ‘Still Learning’.
Really appreciated the selfless acts of apologizing, thinking of others.
Can’t shake the feeling that there is something behind/beneath “keeping the peace “ something more fundamental – like “I see you”, “ I hear you “, “I know you “.
“I see you.” I think those are some of the most profound and peace-keeping words we can speak.