What-ifs and blanket caves.

I made myself a cave last week and it was peaceful. The peace lasted about 30 seconds before I was “found” but for 30 seconds it was quite nice. I had reached a point of utter overwhelm with decisions. The kind of decisions that affect your life and the lives of your family. But you have to make them without having full information. Because no one anywhere on this planet has all the information (especially right now). And you have to make the decisions quickly. And you have to hope the information you have is enough. Because what if it is not?

And I was stuck in the cycle of what-ifs… What if this and what if that? And then what if the other thing? Or what if that first thing lead to a completely different what if? And what if? And what if? And what if? Blegh.

So I grabbed the closest thing to me on the floor. A blanket. A soft, pink, well-loved, slightly smelly but not-too-crusty, loved-on blanket. And I pulled it over my shoulders and head. Blocking out most of what I could see. And I lay down on the floor with my knees tucked under me and arms over my head, covering my ears. Blocking out a lot of what I could hear. And I rested my forehead on the floor and my body relaxed. And I was covered in a blanket. And it was quiet. And a lot like being in a small, light pink, slightly smelly, very small cave. And there were 30 seconds of peace.

I made a cave.

And then one child climbed on my back because of course I must have wanted to play “horsey” if I was on the floor. And the other tackled me because of course I must have wanted to play “wrestle ninja” if I was on the floor. And that was that.

But for 30 seconds, before being “discovered” it was nice to be in a little cave of my own making. And I wonder if other people might get stuck in the cycle of overwhelming what-ifs… perhaps I am not alone in this.

So if I were my own best friend I would tell myself to find a blanket and post a sign that says “do not disturb” and then create my own cave. Block out what you see. Block out what you hear. Allow your body to rest. And then breathe and feel comforted (even if only for 30 seconds at a time). The cave did not have answers but it did have what I needed, which was a break in the cycle of what-ifs. Decisions were made. I moved onward. And I washed the slightly smelly pink blanket (to be used again soon).