How are you? I have become incapable of answering this question. It only took seven weeks.
Seven weeks ago I could (and would) answer this question with very little thought. I’m busy. Life’s good. I’m tired. I’m alright. Truthfully, the answers were somewhat meaningless. Yes, of course I was busy, full time work, husband with full time work, two kids with two sports each, school, projects, music, PTA board, family, friends, blah blah blah. Busy. Life’s good – it was mostly. I’m tired – All. The. Time. I’m alright – somewhat meaningless but I was mostly. I thought very little about the answer to this question. It was small talk. I was good at small talk seven weeks ago.
But now. None of it fits. I’m busy… yes, but not in the same way. And it doesn’t quite ring true now that I’ve stepped back and entered this new world we are in. Life’s good – ha. Bwahahahaha. Ha. Wipes tears from eyes. Well, life’s not bad. But I also wouldn’t say good… I’m tired – All. The. Time. But in such a different way that tired does not seem like the right word either. I’m alright – no. But who is really alright right now?
So my “go-to” answers have become “I’m Here.” And “I’m getting by.” I’m here is great if someone asks me “where are you?”, not “how are you?” No one has questioned me on it yet but I’m waiting for some ass wipe to say “I said HOW are you, not WHERE are you.”
And then there is “I’m getting by.” Technically true. Yet also somewhat meaningless, like my previous answers of busy, life’s good, tired, or alright. And here’s the thing, I don’t want to do meaningless anymore. I want to do better.
So how am I? Depends on the moment. Happy. Sad. Confused. Scared. Anxious. Angry. Raging. Tired. Weary. Elated. Giddy. Giggly. Blegh. Meh. Mad. Content. Healthy. Hormonal. Unhealthy. Energized. Working. Loving. Lonely. Occupied. Bored. Rich. Poor. Hungry. Full. Dirty. Clean. Devastated. Determined. Uncertain. Certain.
Certain that after seven weeks I do not want to keep answering “how are you” with an untruth but I have no idea what the truth is. So if I were my own best friend I would give myself a whole mountain of grace on this one. How are you? I am.