Hughughugamab.

I work in medicine and part of my job is prescribing medications for patients. Another part of my job is reviewing the list of medications patients are already taking. And yet another part of my job is helping patients pronounce the names of medications they are already taking and understand why they are taking them.

The naming of prescription medications baffles me. I have never done any research to figure out how the names are invented, both the brand names and the generic names, but the names are awful. Completely ridonculous (see what I did there? it’s like a medication name!). I feel bad for people trying to navigate these 10-15+ letters that somehow combine to make a word that is supposed to mean something. It is like speaking a foreign language without ever getting any training or education. It’s horrifical.

But it did get me thinking about writing prescriptions and about treating different conditions and I have to tell you, some days I do not want to write any prescriptions for medications. Instead I want to send people home with instructions to take “Laughsalotopril twice a day.” Or maybe it would be nice to e-scribe “hughughugamab take one every morning.” I also would not mind sending off a 90-day request for “afternoonnapsaban take once daily as needed.” And while I’m at it I think a prescription for “cookiesnmilkoprolol nightly before bed” might be just what the doctor ordered. Perhaps tomorrow I will try prescribing “gooutsidemoreazole take three times daily, monitor weather as needed,” and see what happens.

If I were my own best friend I would remind myself that sometimes the best medicine does not come in a bottle (yes yes for things like serious bacterial infections I know it does) but instead the best medicine might be laughter or a hug or taking a breaking or going outside. So remember to do the things that make you well and maybe, just maybe, we can start writing less prescriptions and instead enjoying life a bit more. And if you have cookies and milk feel free to invite me over because I have yet to meet a cookie I don’t like.